Dear Deep,
My name is Tracy and I am a Water Snob.
1. I have accepted that I am powerless over buying expensive bottled water and my addiction has become unmanageable.
2. I know that a power greater than myself can restore me to my sanity.
3. I have made a decision to turn my will, life and water to my higher power.
4. I have made a searching and moral inventory of my fridge.
5. I have admitted to myself, my higher power and others the exact nature of my snobby water addiction.
6. I am entirely ready to think about removing this defect in my character.
7. I have humbly asked my higher power to remove my Aquatic shortcomings.
8. I have made a list of those that bring me Big K water, Aquafina, Dasani and Arrowhead and plan to make amends to them all.
9. I have face to face forgiven said list of people that brought me yucky water.
10. I will continue to take personal inventory and inventory on my water and promptly admit when I am snobbing.
11. I will pray and meditate that my higher power to improve my awareness of this water snobiness.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, I will pass along this message to all other water snobs.
The truth is I really only drink Fiji, SmartWater or Vitamin Water. I am on the brink of recovery, I think. At least I’ve acknowledged the issue.
xoxoxo
2 Comments
March 7, 2008 at 9:28 pm
[...] unujnhanH12. Having had a unnameable stimulating as a conclusion of these steps, I power designate along this act to every added liquid snobs. The actuality is I noise inner have Fiji, SmartWater or Vitamin Water. I am on the extent of recovery, I think. … [...]
March 9, 2008 at 1:53 am
Tracy,
I feel your pain, and only hope that I can help.
I have an alternative 12 step program you may wish to try. This program is designed to condition those close to you to your personal suffering, and cause them to be more sensative to your situation.
1. Pour your sissy water into a empty (and clean) brand name vodka bottle, and wrap it in a brown paper bag. (soon to be available on Sundays)
2. Call everyone “Honey Bunny” (men) or “Baby Doll” (women).
3. Belch loudly, and often.
4. Learn to summon flatulance upon command, remembering that the perception of liquid and texture can be communicated through sound.
5. Learn to walk without ever having your feet leave the ground.
6. ALWAYS wear sunglasses, preferably large and white framed, the darker the better…so you run into things.
7. Tell everyone you know that ONLY YOU knows Victoria’s secret.
8. Several times a day, scream “WHERE IS MY $%#@* WATER?” This is especially effective if you happen to be holding it at the time.
10. Start arguments that Elton John DID TO record at the album “The Witch is Black” at the PEEK-A-BOO Ranch.
11. Loudly proclaim “CHA CHA MY A–, She’s got nothin” on me!
12. Resume drinking your sissy water openly while once again exhibiting normal behavior…However the OTHER Tracy will be missed!